Oct. 4: NJ Devils & Sarah Silverman, oh my...

So this weekend is going to be nothing short of chaos, but tonight is really where the magic begins.

The New Jersey Devils begin their quest for a fourth Stanley Cup in 13 years tonight in Tampa, home of Vinny Lecavalier, Martin St-Louis and the newly unveiled Gatorade logo. I was never a big fan of Tampa’s jersey to begin with, and I’m unsure if the new duds are an improvement. Few are, this year. (The Washington Capitals and Boston Bruins are the only ones that I love.)

Anyway, I hope to whip up a Devils and NHL season preview sometime this weekend, as lately I’ve been busier than Jennifer Stuck in the kitchen. But I will say this: Don’t count the Devils out this year. I’m in love with newly-acquired Dainius Zubrus centering the top line, and think he can bring the same presence and strength Jason Arnott did in the A-Line days. Despite losing S***t G***z and Brian Rafalski (losing the latter will hurt more than the former, tenfold), our offense won’t suffer much of a drop-off, as Travis Zajac should pick up the slack and Brian Gionta should net more than 25 goals. Remember, G***z scored what, a dozen goals last season? Andy Greene will be a dark horse on the PP as an emerging NHL defenseman, though the real key to the D is the growth of new Number 1, Paul Martin. I also can’t wait to see Vitali Vishnevsky hit everything in sight, but I’m not looking forward to him being grossly out of position after applying said hits. Fuck it, at least it’s toughness. We haven’t had that since Daneyko retired.


So while the rest of the Atlantic Division got better and more bloated, we got bigger... and smarter. Hiring Brent Sutter was the best move any team made this off-season, though I don’t like the idea of splitting up Madden and Pandolfo on the checking unit. Nonetheless, we finally have a hard-nosed leader who demands accountability, and Sutter could easily be a Jack Adams finalist by the spring. He’s the best of Pat Burns and Larry Robinson in a head that relates to young players and has a great reputation as a nurturer. I’m giddy as shit over this hiring.

And lastly, as long as we have Marty between the pipes, we’re not dead. 35-years-young and still going strong, it’s an honor to watch this guy year in and year out.

Let the Rag$ celebrate overpaid FA signings while ignoring their D, let the Flyers continue to rape the Nashville Predators and maybe the city of Pittsburgh will choke to death on Sidney Crosby’s impenetrable superstar sperm. At least the Isles will enjoy their familiar slot of last place. Look for another division crowd and an extended playoff run from a team looking a lot like the ’95 Cup champs. Anyone up for a Devils-Sharks final?

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Edit: Apparently this was on last night. Motherfuck. I seriously need a new day-planner. Now she'll never marry me. (I wonder if it's on OnDemand yet...)
If a Devils season opener wasn’t enough to get me excited as Scott Gomez at a strip club, immediately following the game is the season premiere of the Sarah Silverman Show. As many of you are well, aware, Sarah and I will one day marry and have a family of half-funny, half-athletic, half-motivated devil-children. But they will be beautiful. My god do I love this woman… I sometimes watch the show with the sound off, but I can be weird like that.

Next week is a fucking doozy: I Love New York Season 2 premiere on Monday, Gliss at Hennessy’s on Tuesday, Digitalism at the Middle East on Wednesday, DJing the Bon Savants gig at Great Scott Thursday and another edition of the pill, post-10th anniversary-style, on Friday.

But tonight, I masturbate feverishly to hockey and Sarah.