Ok, damn. The Rock of Love 2 battle between the Groupie, the Soccer Mom and Real Doll took a backseat just six minutes into tonight’s show because... holy fuck... we saw Bret Michaels’ un-obscured ...HEAD! No cowboy hat glazed in Rodeo’s vag, no obnoxious-ass Sunset Strip bandana. Just Bret’s sweet golden locks, flowing like it was a motherfucking photo shoot for “Look What the Cat Dragged In.” It really put everything in perspective.
Anyway, tonight was the “Meet the Parents” episode, except for Daisy who has no family since she was spawned outside a porno shoot at Area 51 the same year "Look What The Cat Dragged In" came out (and since it came out in the 80s, we can’t retroactively say the album “dropped.”). While it would be hard to top last season’s alcoholic performance by Heather’s dad and the hick riot-act by Papa Lacey, these shows are always good. And I was just about to make a crack about Destiney’s Dad being on Alien Nation the same year "Look What The Cat Dragged In" hit Sam Goody shelves when it’s revealed he has terminal cancer. He seemed mad chill with the leopard print forehead tat and the New Hampshire head shop purple velour jacket, and he and Bret definitely bonded. He was psyched as shit to have his baby girl end up the Dr. Scholes insert to Bret’s boot-alicious face. My roommate even predicted the “In Memory Of...” still at the end, and sure enough, the dude has already passed on. Suck city.
But speaking of passing on... Destiney is gone!! Nevermind the fact she went on a reality show to bone the singer of Poison while her dad was dying. The real jester shit here is the tattoo (2nd place: we learn she was rejected in casting for Season One!!!). After finally settling on having the RoL logo tattooed on the back of her neck to commemorate “the experience” (Hey nothing says “good decision” like indecision at the ink parlor) Destiney is sent home, leaving us with the 78-year-old Mom and Daisy, who we now know was cheated on by Charles, presumably during the last Papa Roach tour. At elimination, when Bret asked if Daisy had anything else to say, I was hoping Rikki Rocket was gonna walk out and tea bag her. But no dice.
Whew. Ok. Next week is the finale, and Aaaam-brayyyy “turns up the heat” by saying she’s not wearing underwear to dinner. Just like someone born in the 1940s would say. Like Daisy EVER wears underwear.
Go Daisy Go. A nation turns its lonely eyes to you.