Thursday, April 24, 2008

No Devils, no RoL, what's a boy to do but watch Predator Rap?

So I’m like a lost puppy these days, as both Rock of Love II and the Devils’ season came to a screeching conclusion (or silent thud, depending on your POV) in the past week or so. Now, I don’t really have the Devils equivalent of Daisy's MySpace page to get me through the idle rigors of an NHL off-season, and outside of passively rooting for the Rag$ to lose versus the equally-deplorable Pittsburgh Penguins, I couldn’t give a fuck-all in Crosbyville as to who win the Stanley Cup this year. However, reading that the NHL league office has nixed production of the Sean Avery Rule t-shirt is good news. Sweet consolation prize for fans that once saw their team win three Cups in nine years. Then again, I was rooting for Oscar de la Hoya’s niece to win Rock of Love, so maybe this is the punishment I get.***

Last off season I made a buncha racket about trading Patrik Elias and/or Brian Gionta for a physical presence on the blue line (the Canucks’ Mattias Ohlund, anyone?), and that would-be presence might have knocked new Vogue intern Sean Avery on his ass a few times in the deciding games of last week’s Devs-Rags games. If only we had anyone who stepped up and vicked this guy. Colin White, was your vag itchy? David Clarkson, not as tough as we thought. Maybe Cam Janssen would have made a difference, maybe not.

But oh, how I long for the days of Scott Stevens. We were pushed around, out-gunned and systematically embarrassed by our biggest rival, leading out Greatest Player Ever to unravel after no one on the team stood up for him. Awesome. I cried about consecutive second-round exits last summer, and now we’re handed an opening-round defeat to the overpaid cross-town dip shits in Blue. Sweet. And no, I wouldn’t have shook Avery’s hand either if I was Martin Brodeur. HOF goalie Billy Smith of the NY Islanders never shook hands with anyone after a playoff defeat, but of course the media scrutiny that exists today wasn’t a fraction of that in 1980. You shake hands with players you respect after a hard-fought series. Brodeur showed Avery the kind of disrespect the Rangers forward showed the game all series.

In any event, it looks to be a long off-season. Thank God I have the Predator Rap to hold me over.

*** Hey, back to Daisy from RoL again. It’s now all news and shit that she’s related to former boxing champ Oscar de la Hoya. Do you think that Oscar and family were kinda embarrassed by her all those years? I mean, they couldn’t get a family member to appear in the episode where they brought the other sluts’ parents to the show, and now suddenly her Family Fucking Tree is out in the open for all to digest?!!? Something is up, here. Imagine of Oscar went on RoL instead of Chaz’s sister?!?! If it took a silver medal performance on Cock of Love for Daisy’s family to finally accept her, then so be it.

1 comment:

  1. You need to start watching Dirt on Sunday nights. It's all I have left now that RoL is done. And it's so fucking good. C'mon dude. Slutty, unscrupulous journos holding hollywood's scumbags by the balls? It's like looking into a crystal ball to our inevitable future careers.