Bad summer trends, 2008

This ran in Monday's Herald, so I'm playing catchup... Yes, this actually ran. The parts that were edited out on the Copy Desk have been added back in, btw.

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Bad trends define summer 2008
By Michael Marotta

In 1967 we had the Summer of Love. The Summer of Sam came in 1977. In 1984 there was Bananarama’s “Cruel Summer” and, well, not much happened in the ’90s. But the summer-to-remember vibe is alive and well in 2008, though it’s nothing to write home about.

This season we’ve been blessed by the Summer of Horribly Lame Trends. Here’s a recap:

Faux lesbianism
Thanks for the “I Kissed a Girl” hysteria, Katy Perry! Once we had LUGs (Lesbians Until Graduation) - now the world is saddled with LUFs (Lesbians Until Fall). Even Lindsay Lohan has hopped abord the L Train.

Celebrity DJs
Did we need to be subjected to Pete Wentz’s guest stint “spinning” at Foxwoods? Wasn’t the music the Fall Out Boy bassist created bad enough? Now he’s playing other people’s garbage for us? Sugar, we’re going down gagging.

Ironic mustaches
This summer everyone from Yankee slugger Jason Giambi to the smelly guy in that weird noise band from Montreal sported a ’stache. No wonder the girls opted to kiss other girls.

Leggings as pantsLadies, please, make this stop. Brighton Avenue in Allston looks like the Gaza Strip with all the camel toe in plain sight. Put on some real pants, Mrs. Donald Duck.

Ray-Ban sunglasses
Fellas, the drummer from the Ting Tings isn’t cool and Lil’ Wayne should know better. This needs to be stopped before Jay McInerney thinks he’s relevant again.

V-neck shirts
Really, we don’t need to see Mr. Aging Hipster’s furry chest carpet ordering shots at the bar. Wonder why there haven’t been many bed bug stories this summer? They’re nesting in exposed chest hair.

Ivy League indie rock
Right now, Vampire Weekend and Chester French are taking our hard-earned money with half-hearted indie songs. But you know that when their 15 minutes expire, they’ll become our bosses. Double-whammy bar, indeed.

Reality TV spin-offs
Tiffany “New York” Pollard didn’t need her own show (“New York Goes to Hollywood,” VH1). Neither did Brooke Hogan (“Brooke Knows Best,” VH1) or the insufferable Jo and Slade (“Date My Ex,” Bravo). It’s shocking that Artist from Animal Planet’s “Groomer Has It” doesn’t have his own show - yet.

iPhone mania
Where is everybody? Oh, right: They’re waiting in line at the Apple Store, hoping to get their iPhone working again with help from the “genius bar.” My genius bar pours me a Guinness, and the only upgrade I need is another round.