Riders in the Storm

Ok, today’s topic is band riders.

Now, in my experience, most “riders” are developed by “artist management” toolbags who sit in a cubicle all day, with some balding Boss Man wearing a blue dress shirt with white cuffs demanding they milk as much as possible from a venue or promoter who has graciously offered to host a touring band. (Now yes, I know bands get ripped off all the time. But my experience of bands getting ripped off when it comes to veggie platters and cereal is fairly limited, so read on...)

But what’s funny about these riders is that the band is often oblivious to these demands. When I approached Joel from Elkland before their pill show around 2005, I told him about the list of demands tattooed on the back of my hand, including “assorted meats and cheeses,” by the donkey schleps at the William Morris Senior Center Agency. His reaction was nothing short of horror, and apologized profusely. We haven’t heard from them since.

Currently, I’m in negotiation to have a band (which shall remain nameless) play the pill this summer. They’re not very well known, but are way cool and decent guys that I’ve worked with in the past (I’ve both booked them and wrote about them for a national music mag). They used to handle booking and business negotiations among themselves, but now they have “management” and “agents.” Oh boy.

Last time I booked them, they seemed pleased with the crowd and party. Upon their return, they demand this stuff:

1 Case Bottled water
1 Case Local Domestic Beer
2 Bottles of Red Wine
Veggie Platter
Cheese/Cold Cuts with Wheat Rolls
Seasonal Fruit
2 Cans of Albacore Tuna
1 Quart Orange Juice
1 Box Cereal
1 Quart 2 percent Milk
1 lb. Ground Coffee
Bowls, Plates and Utensils “pls.” (Oh, they’re courteous!)
12 Clean Towels
Bottled Water
DINNER FOR FIVE

Wheat rolls, albacore tuna and ground coffee!! This sounds like a day at Canobie Lake, not a rock show in Allston. Jesus fucking Mary.