Thursday, June 5, 2008

Boston vs. Los Angeles

First there was Cleveland, then Denver. And now I take on Los Angeles, as the Celtics get ready to face the Lakers in the NBA Finals. This bit of Vanya Page 2age brought to you via the Boston Herald:

A lot has changed since the the Lakers and Celtics [team stats] last met in the NBA Finals, and we’re talking more than the length of shorts. One could say Boston has evolved nicely since 1987, while Los Angeles has declined under a haze of smog. Here’s how the cities stack up over the past 21 years:

Film industry
Boston: Booming
Los Angeles: Burning
Verdict: BOS - We hear Universal Studios’ “King Kong Ride” is SMOKIN’!

Pro sports titles
Boston: 5 - Sox (’04, ’07), Patriots (’01, ’03, ’04)
Los Angeles: 5 - Dodgers (’88), Lakers (’88, ’00, ’01, ’02)
Verdict: Tie - Good thing we don’t count MLS.

Best Picture Oscars
Boston: The Departed (’06)
Los Angeles: Rain Man (’88), Crash (’05)
Verdict: BOS - Quality over quantity. Ya gotta problem with that?

Massive undertaking
Boston: The Big Dig
Los Angeles: Guns N’ Roses’ “Chinese Democracy”
Verdict: BOS - They cost about the same, but ours was actually finished.

Annoying delays
Boston: Waiting list for season tickets to the Patriots
Los Angeles: Waiting list for a table at Spago
Verdict: BOS - We devour the AFC East, not overpriced cuisine.

Scary musical trend
Boston: Goth-punk cabaret, 2000s
Los Angeles: Sunset Strip glam metal, late ’80s
Verdict: Tie - I’ll take your Motley Crue and spot you a Dresden Doll.

Developments in the air
Boston: Arrogance
Los Angeles: Smog
Verdict: Tie - Both cloud our judgment at times.

Newly built arena
Boston: TD Banknorth Garden, North Station
Los Angeles: Staples Center, Inglewood
Verdict: BOS - To quote Dr. Dre: “Inglewood always up to no good.”

Best use of a prison/correctional facility
Boston: Charles Street jail converted to hotel
Los Angeles: Paris Hilton sentenced to 45 days
Verdict: LA - “That’s hot!”

Biggest chase of a bad guy
Boston: Catching Steinbrenner’s Yankees
Los Angeles: Catching OJ Simpson
Verdict: BOS - Hey, we haven’t let the Yanks off the hook.

Painful sports defections
Boston: Johnny Damon, Roger Clemens
Los Angeles: NFL’s Rams and Raiders
Verdict: BOS - At least we cared about Damon and Clemens.

Best song by Frank Black
Boston: “U-Mass,” 1991, the Pixies
Los Angeles: “Los Angeles” 1993, solo
Verdict: BOS - No one’s ripping off his solo work.

Best Kevin Spacey flick
Boston: “21” (2008)
Los Angeles: “L.A. Confidential” (1997)
Verdict: LA - No contest here.

RESULT: 8-2-3 BEAT L.A.!


  1. you are missing the 16 celtic championships and the 5 bruins stanley cups!

  2. You'll have to re-tally if I move.

  3. Since 1987, Zack. Reading iz phundamental.

    Everything gets re-tallied in September, dear.

  4. whoops sorry buddy!

    Pixie is moving to LA?

  5. I'll give you the Celtics banners, but I refuse to believe the Bruins ever won a Cup. Needs to happen in my lifetime, post-1978, or it never happened.

    Pixie's publicist says "No comment."