April Fool's column: U2, BCN, Passion Pit & NKTOB

Here's the original draft of my April Fool's column from today's Herald:

U2 announce second secret show
Prepare to “Get On Your Boots” one more time, Somerville – U2 is coming back.

Sources told Hotline that the Irish rockers will return for a second secret show in Davis Square, this time hiring the Burren for an even more intimate night with U2.

Fans will be given wristbands at 9 a.m. this morning at the Davis Square T stop by flashing ticket stubs from any Joshua Tree concert within the past year. A man dressed as The Edge will be lurking near the outbound escalators handing out the green tags to privy fans.

“It’s a way to honor Somerville, honor our fans, our cover acts or tribute acts or whatever they’re called, as well as tie up traffic one last time throughout Somerville,” Bono wrote to Hotline in an email. “Gridlock on the drive-home commute? Magnificent.”

Some are saying the gig is a swift reaction to being knocked off the Billboard charts by Kelly Clarkson last week. Other concerts in small Irish pubs with very limited capacity are also scheduled for Secaucus, N.J., Austin, Texas and a five-show string in a Dubai island shaped like Ireland.

‘BCN switching to all Spanish
The ‘BCN Rumble could be rock’s last stand on the host’s radio station.

Once the winner of this year’s Rumble is announced via live radio broadcast April 24 at the Middle East, 104.3 WBCN will say “adios” to listeners and “hola” to an all-Spanish format.

“We have interns fast at work translating Eddie Vedder and Kurt Cobain’s lyrics into Spanish, with the music set to mariachi rhythms,” a high-ranking employee told Hotline. “Have you heard the Spanish version of Even Flow? It’s muy freaking bueno, dude.”

Passion Pit to sing national anthem
Looking to find the “next big thing” out of Boston “before they get too expensive,” the Red Sox hired local synth-pop quintet Passion Pit to perform the National Anthem at the team’s home opener Monday afternoon at Fenway.

“It’ll be unique,” a source in the organization told Hotline. “There will be more synthesizers and keyboards on the diamond than ever before. They might even throw in a sample from Joe Castiglione’s 2004 World Series call right at the end. Who can forget 2004?”

When asked about Passion Pit singer Michael Angelakos hailing from New York and if that might make the Sox faithful uneasy, the source said the band’s roots were no issue. “He’s from Buffalo,” he said. “That’s not really New York.”

NKTOB tapped for theme song to Departed 2
Looking to tap into the endless supply of coin created by the Dropkick Murphys in the original, NKTOB has been awarded rights for the theme song to 2010’s “The Departed 2.”

Producers say the Walberg connection wasn’t a factor in choosing the song, titled “Slipping up to Dorchester.” The sea shanty-inspired a capella track won out over an electro-rap collaboration between Hub rockers Aerosmith and Foxboro homegal JoJo. But fear not: a 14-minute long extended dub house remix of the Aerosmith/JoJo track is expected to be sold on iTunes.