July 14: The Death Set, Mae Shi & Me

Coldplay, please get new coats

In today's Boston Herald Hotline: Boston Music Festival eyeing a fall party (150 bands, 20 venues blah blah blah), DIY snoot Dan Shea takes over the Milky Way and Coldplay, see below, has apparently learned nothing from My Chemical Romance's fashion sense.

Word of the Day: Ossum

OSSUM. As in, awesome, but just a little more ossumer than just plain old '90s-era "awesome." Use it as such: "Hey, you see Martin Brodeur the other night? That guy is wikkid OSSUM." Or, "Damn, that Michael V. is one OSSUM motherfucker."

And when I think of this word, I envision Louis CK's "Awesome Possum" routine. And that makes me happy on a rainy Friday.

Ladytron. Mmmmmmmmm, Ladytron.

The ultra-sexy/ultra-modern Ladytron hits the Paradise Rock Club on Monday, and while I can't say that new album "Velocifero" has moved me all too much, hot damn Helen and Mira are still the most adorable women in all the colorful synthpop sky. So yeah, this is a post centered simply around posting their promo photo.

I was always a Mira kind of guy, but seeing Ladytron at the Dise a few years ago for the Light & Magic tour really opened my eyes to the calm sultry beauty that is Miss Helen. Yeah whatever, I'm allowed a babe post every once in a while, and these women always held my attention over FHM types. And this personal anecdote is better than when the big-headed fro'dude spun shitty music at Start, right?

Cool show alert

No, not The Singing Office, which premieres Sunday... I'm talking about this jazz:

Does It Offend You, Yeah?, Aug. 31 at Great Scott. Tickets are $12 and on sale now.

Bring back the Beach Blonde spray

One of my myriad duties at Le Herald is compiling the Style Calendar each Wednesday, and today I took the opportunity to campaign for the return of the John Frieda Beach Blonde hair spray, a spunky little -- since discontinued -- concoction that smells like Robert Moses Field 2. Honestly, this space has never been used for such an important issue. At least two Vanyaland readers know how obfuckingsessed I am with this shit. I don't even know what it does for my 'do. It just smells like, to me, the Devils winning the Stanley Cup in July while an army of Lolas play with crumpled up Post-It notes as circa-'93-era Suede performs softly in the background, with Neil Codling making a Taco Bell run. Maybe John Frieda (is he still alive?) reads the Herald:

FRIEDA ’ALLO: As part of the long-named John Frieda Collection See For Yourself Salon Tour, Frieda’s trusted team of “hair care specialists” will be at the Charles Hotel on Saturday, doling out makeovers, hair-care advice and stylized product tips. But hopefully someone on staff can answer the question we’ve been asking for ages: Why was the beach blonde hair spray discontinued? Stop making us shop on Amazon and eBay for it, John. Consultation and styling runs from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. at the Charles Hotel, 1 Bennett St., Cambridge. Walk-ups are encouraged.

HAHA

"Lost" Brazilan tribe hoax!!!

Let's move to Forvik.

65-year-old Stuart Hill cites a 17th-century royal marriage dowry deal and declares the independence of Forvik, his 2.5 acre island off Scottland, and welcomes new residents.

"I also invite anyone from any country in the world, who supports these aims, namely to become free of liars, thieves and tyrants in government, to become a citizen of Forvik," he added.

Agyness Deyn can sing. Weird

My favorite model-named-after-a-Sigur-Ros-b-side, Agyness Deyn, sang some crappy song with some crappy band on some crappy British television show. But, as it turns out, true to Aggy form, she can do no wrong and can actually sing. We are officially in the Golden Age of Chillaxin.

New Gn'R, Michaels' "Rocket of Love"

Music blog Stereogum has living proof that not only does Guns N' Roses' Chinese Democracy exist, but it's also eight shades of terrible. As predicted. I listened to the title track, but couldn't get past that second song. I'm kinda more excited about my free Dr. Pepper, actually.

Now from the former Rocket Queen to current Rocket King... It appears that Poison's Bret Michaels has bought a Bentley off Roger Clemens, in order to help the disgraced pitcher pay off some legal bills. When Flava Flav buys a $4M forgiveness ring off Kobe, then we'll talk.

And though it wasn't posted yesterday, it should be noted that I managed a Bertie Higgins "Key Largo" reference into yesterday's column. Bertie's kid, DJ Dieselboy, is spinning tonight at the Phoenix Landing in Cambridge. He's a huge deal in the drum and bass field, but has yet to write anything as sparkly and magical as "Key Largo."

Ok, off to the Ting Tings, who return to Great Scott as part of their "I'm sorry for choosing NYC over you" concert obligation. Funny though, as if the show a few months ago went as planned, there would be 30 people at Great Scott. Now it's way sold out. Good on them.

Smoking a blunt in the Boston Globe?

So, on the front page of the Boston Globe today is this photo, in which a dude appears to BE SMOKING A FUCKING BLUNT next to the statue of Red Auerbach. Maybe it's a cigar, but uhhhh, that shit looks like a re-rolled Philie packed with magical izm. Note the uneven thickness, the saliva-dampened filter-less tip and the way it burns squarely (instead of with a curve) at the end. Dude looks kinda blazed, too. Go go go Paper of Record!



For, you know, perspective:

Michael to VH1: It's Too Soon. Too Soon.

Summer programming is in full-swing in TV-land, as VH-1 is rolling out "I Love the New Millennium" on Monday. Today I tell VH1: Dudes, it's too soon. We don't need a retrospective on a not-yet-finished decade that was merely a retrospective of other decades. It's not even 2009. I can't wait for E!s "Top Ten Celebrity Hot Lunch Disasters from 2026, hosted by Frances Bean Cobain" slated to air next fall.

Though in fairness to my <3 cable network, anything that airs between now and the premiere of "I Love Money" is merely filler. As the QoE said yesterday, "That show will change my life." Touche!

Also in today's column, I shoot my proverbial load all over the Virgins, the latest NYC hipster-funk answer to those not feeling Vampire Weekend. This is Album of the Summer type shit right here. Check out "She's Expensive" and "Rich Girls."

In the Papers: Toad goes 15, the Enemy goes UK

From today's Tab: Toad in Porter Square does the 15-year-celeb thing this weekend, and a Rhode Island band forces Britain's The Enemy to go all London Suede / Charlatans UK on us yanks. Word.

Throwing the Michael Vanya gang sign

So there have been some heated debate as to how to properly flash the Michael Vanya "MV" gang sign (OK, not really, but evs). Here to settle this once and for all is the lovely and talented, all-around-awesome and most-likely future Mrs. Vanya, Queen Brigid, flashing it proper:

Now, on to surefire internet memes of 2009...

End of a Long Week

From the Heatwave, the Duma sessions, opening for These New Puritans, boozing at Helleauxx, catching up on Chappelle Show Season 2... what a week it has been. That said, here's the Friday edition of In The Paperz:

A little Page 3 action in Boston's most trusted tabloid, as the Grecian diner lives on through Hollywood, and some general snarkiness in the A&E section over Good Times saying Good Bye.

Hunter Thompson documentary

Truly, what the world needs now is Hunter S. Thompson. This looks amazing.

Goodbye Goodtime Emporium...

... and hello Ikea! Sounds like a reasonable tradeoff to me. But now where are all the gun-toting teenage gang bangers gonna hang out?

DJ gig tonight with These New Puritans/Passion Pit

I am DJing the These New Puritans and Passion Pit show tonight at Great Scott. But more importantly, the gig marks the marketing debut of the new Michael Vanya gang sign. Pictures to come, but the directions are straight forward (Repost from online promo):

Three fingers down on your right hand, middle and ring fingers pressed together. Two fingers up on your left, flip someone off in London. Don't show no palm.

M V

Do it. Monday night DANCE.
These New Puritans
Passion Pit
DJ Michael to the V

Tonight at Great Scott, 1222 Commonwealth Ave., Allston. 9pm.
xoMv.

A picture, a thousand words, blah blah blah...

This photo ran about two years ago in Sports Illustrated. I forget the specifics, but the specifics take a back seat to the myriad levels of full-frontal awesome going on here. Take a look, absorb it all in, and we’ll recap after the break…


So much to get to. Ok, starting at the top, and rotating clockwise.

- Someone is wearing a throwback Dallas Mavericks jersey, though his permanent scowl has been cropped out.

- The woman in the upper right appears to be smiling, but clearly if trying to use the Force to prevent the bat from attacking.

- Now, the main attraction. Dude is just bitchslapped by this rouge Maple, and smacks him squarely in the jaw. His arms are nowhere to be found, so clearly someone wasn’t paying attention. Him throwing his jawline in the way did prevent the bat from ending that 9-year-old’s life, so good on ya, sport. Though any kid wearing a white towel on his head should get bat-smacked.

- The dude in the black Adidas shirt has a good eye, and was able to follow the bat as it tomahawked past him.

- The guy in blue is truly a master ducker.

- However, the girl under him is clearly so not impressed by this event. She’s just annoyed by it all and is eagerly awaiting the next pitch. Not a happy camper.

- The woman above is either praising Jesus she avoided the bat, or can’t help but Raise the Roof over this sudden entropy at the ballpark.

- But this little girl to her right is ENRAPTURED. She sees the End Times coming, and is preparing to be lifted by Jesus onto the great Polo Grounds playing field in the sky. What the Fuck City.

- To her right, lies presumably her father, who isn’t doing much to protect The Chosen One.

- Beneath him is a woman so adept at balancing her drink, so uses her right hand to protect the left side of her head. Texas Rangers, sign this one up!

- Moving along, we have the woman in the pink, who won’t let an errant bat get in the way of another mouthful of peanuts or popcorn.

- BONUS: You can’t see him in this cropped pic, but the bemused expression of the Ernie looking motherfucker (of Bert and Ernie) in the black shirt, upper right, is so God damn priceless. But it will remain unseen for the time being.

Boston vs. Los Angeles

First there was Cleveland, then Denver. And now I take on Los Angeles, as the Celtics get ready to face the Lakers in the NBA Finals. This bit of Vanya Page 2age brought to you via the Boston Herald:

A lot has changed since the the Lakers and Celtics [team stats] last met in the NBA Finals, and we’re talking more than the length of shorts. One could say Boston has evolved nicely since 1987, while Los Angeles has declined under a haze of smog. Here’s how the cities stack up over the past 21 years:

Film industry
Boston: Booming
Los Angeles: Burning
Verdict: BOS - We hear Universal Studios’ “King Kong Ride” is SMOKIN’!

Pro sports titles
Boston: 5 - Sox (’04, ’07), Patriots (’01, ’03, ’04)
Los Angeles: 5 - Dodgers (’88), Lakers (’88, ’00, ’01, ’02)
Verdict: Tie - Good thing we don’t count MLS.

Best Picture Oscars
Boston: The Departed (’06)
Los Angeles: Rain Man (’88), Crash (’05)
Verdict: BOS - Quality over quantity. Ya gotta problem with that?

Massive undertaking
Boston: The Big Dig
Los Angeles: Guns N’ Roses’ “Chinese Democracy”
Verdict: BOS - They cost about the same, but ours was actually finished.

Annoying delays
Boston: Waiting list for season tickets to the Patriots
Los Angeles: Waiting list for a table at Spago
Verdict: BOS - We devour the AFC East, not overpriced cuisine.

Scary musical trend
Boston: Goth-punk cabaret, 2000s
Los Angeles: Sunset Strip glam metal, late ’80s
Verdict: Tie - I’ll take your Motley Crue and spot you a Dresden Doll.

Developments in the air
Boston: Arrogance
Los Angeles: Smog
Verdict: Tie - Both cloud our judgment at times.

Newly built arena
Boston: TD Banknorth Garden, North Station
Los Angeles: Staples Center, Inglewood
Verdict: BOS - To quote Dr. Dre: “Inglewood always up to no good.”

Best use of a prison/correctional facility
Boston: Charles Street jail converted to hotel
Los Angeles: Paris Hilton sentenced to 45 days
Verdict: LA - “That’s hot!”

Biggest chase of a bad guy
Boston: Catching Steinbrenner’s Yankees
Los Angeles: Catching OJ Simpson
Verdict: BOS - Hey, we haven’t let the Yanks off the hook.

Painful sports defections
Boston: Johnny Damon, Roger Clemens
Los Angeles: NFL’s Rams and Raiders
Verdict: BOS - At least we cared about Damon and Clemens.

Best song by Frank Black
Boston: “U-Mass,” 1991, the Pixies
Los Angeles: “Los Angeles” 1993, solo
Verdict: BOS - No one’s ripping off his solo work.

Best Kevin Spacey flick
Boston: “21” (2008)
Los Angeles: “L.A. Confidential” (1997)
Verdict: LA - No contest here.

RESULT: 8-2-3 BEAT L.A.!

Once you pop...

The guy who invented the Pringles can has had his ashes buried in one. I need to go invent something so I can have a final resting place, too.

And also, I'll be damned if I start going to concerts at the Wilbur Theatre. Damn you, Duffy.

Boston cyclists have it easy

Ahh, just another day drunk driving in Mexico...

Two if by Sea, RIP

In what is truly a strange coincidence, I spent the morning listening to an old Two if by Sea demo CD one of the guys mailed me a few years ago. So I get to the newsroom today, and read they have officially called it a day after a brief hiatus.

Fucking bummer. Definitely one of the most underrated bands of the decade, and a former pill performer. "The Affair" will no doubt make it on the all-time Vanya song list, with some of my favorite lyrics ever written. Pick up their debut album, "Translations," as well as the follow up, "Safety." I'm not sure if that demo CD I have ever saw the light of day, but I'll gladly burn it for anyone who wants a listen. It's remarkable.

Another LCV remix, and the Presets 2nitez

So it's Monday and I'm in lock down in the tabloidian cave, but that's all good in the hood because we have yet another Le Castle Vania / Lies in Disguise remix posted online by DJ Dylan: Check out the new Electro411 mix and tear shit up.

Not to be out done on the dance floor, Australian dance duo the Presets are in town at the Dise tonight, and I hyped it up in today's Herald column. Just scroll past the Three Day Threshold newz.

Unless LCV/LiD drops a full-length between now and December, the Presets will likely sit atop the Best Electro Album of 2008 category with "Apocalypso," a modern synthpop throwdown that lacks the usual electronic-album filler. Sample "This Boy's In Love" (the original is better than the remixes) and then "My People," "Kicking and Screaming" and "A New Sky." Just beware the lyrics to gay disco bath house tea party "Yippiyo-Ay." Don't say I didn't warn you.

Fuck yeah.

It's (Not) Love

One quick lazy Sunday thought: If that fucking song from the new Heineken television ad (“It’s love… love, love, lalalashutthefuckup”) becomes a hit in any way, shape or form, I’m slicing my ears off with a faded Mach3 razor shat from the ass of the Shins' drummer.

This crap-indie-song-in-commercial-becomes-a-huge-hit-and-vaults-talentless-hack-to-faux-fame bullshit better end here.